


Just a vivid memory (Of you breaking at the seams)

by blackm00n5



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Body Worship, Brief mention of Furlan and Isabel, Brief mention of past Levi/Furlan, Levi swears a lot, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Oral Sex, Scars, bottomerwinweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-01 20:57:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19185394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackm00n5/pseuds/blackm00n5
Summary: Ever since Erwin lost his arm, Levi notices he and Erwin haven't had sex. And for a long time, he assumes it's because losing an entire arm doesn't exactly heal quickly or easily. He realizes very suddenly that's not the case and he's going to prove he doesn't care about the scarring left behind,





	Just a vivid memory (Of you breaking at the seams)

**Author's Note:**

> This one is actually a mashup between Day 4: Scars/bites/markings and Day 6: Bodyworship/massage. I'm actually super proud of this one??? And I'm posting it because it's 12:15 in the morning which means it's officially the 12th for me so I'm doing it!
> 
> Again, if I forgot a tag please let me know so I can fix it. <33

“I’m not so sure about this, Levi.” Erwin said, uncharacteristically nervous. Unsure in a way Levi wasn’t used to seeing. Quiet, not quite looking at him, his hand reaching up to hold the uneven stub where his arm used to be. Levi’s jaw clenched up, his teeth grinding together so harshly he could hear it vibrating in his head.

He locked the door, then turned to stare at Erwin. Intense, eyes bright and almost harsh. Erwin only met his gaze briefly, and that just made Levi feel a strange type of anger boil in his gut. Erwin didn’t act like this. He was not shy, he was not uncertain. Levi stalked over to him, reaching out to place a hand on Erwin’s chest. Flat, splayed out over his heart and something about the steady beat under his palm made the anger calm. 

Levi pushed him back until his knees hit the bed, and Erwin easily settled down and looked up at Levi. 

“Be quiet.” Levi said, a little sharply. “I’m sick of this. I’m sick of you trying to hide your fucking shoulder from me like I don’t know it’s fucked up.”  Erwin visibly winced, and Levi paused before shaking his head.

He shifted, placing one knee on the bed beside Erwin’s thigh. He rested both hands on Erwin’s shoulders, and lifted himself up until he was straddling Erwin’s lap, looking down at him. His hands moved up from Erwin’s shoulders until he was cupping his face, making Erwin look up at him, still.

“I know you hate it.” He said, voice a little more quiet. “I know you feel like it’s disgusting and whatever other shit. But it’s still part of you. It means you fucking survived. It means you’re still here with me and I love it.” 

He could see a muscle in Erwin’s cheek twitch, and Levi sighed before leaned down to rest their foreheads together. His eyes slipped shut just a moment after Erwin’s did. They both stayed quiet for a long moment, just breathing together. Pressed close, Levi’s thumbs gently brushing over Erwin’s cheeks. He felt Erwin rest a warm hand on his hip, squeezing too tightly. Like he was trying to ground himself, trying to remind himself that this was real. 

“You could have died, Erwin.” Levi breathed out, his voice cracking and if it were anyone but Erwin, he’d be upset about that. “And you didn’t. You survived. And yeah, your shoulder is all fucked up and you apparently feel like I don’t want you anymore but I  _ do _ . I always do.”

Levi finally opened his eyes again, and he pulled back and away. He pressed his thumbs into Erwin’s cheeks, quietly prompting him to open his eyes again. Bright blue, open and honest and looking too broken for Levi’s liking. 

“So let me prove it.” 

Erwin made a soft noise. Inhaling sharply but quietly. His hand gripped more tightly at Levi’s hip, and Levi saw his eyes widen just the slightest bit. Like he was shocked, like he didn’t quite believe this. Levi kind of hated it. He was so goddamn angry at the idea of Erwin being surprised that he still wanted him. So pissed off that he could ever think a missing arm was enough to destroy this thing they had. 

Levi closed the distance with little warning, crashing their lips together firmly. Levi kissed the same way he did everything else, firm and efficient and with no room for arguing. Pressing into Erwin’s mouth like it was all he needed to survive, moving surprisingly gentle as he held Erwin’s face in his hands. Pulling him closer, impossibly close, like he could prove his point if only he could just be  _ closer _ . 

Erwin’s hand stayed firmly on his hip, still gripping too tightly. It was strange, only having one hand on him. Levi was very much used to both of Erwin’s hands touching him, gripping and pulling and pushing. Both hands sliding up and down over his skin, tugging him closer, grounding both of them. But Erwin couldn’t, anymore. Erwin only had one hand to hold with and Levi was okay with that, whether Erwin wanted to believe it or not.

Levi kissed Erwin, deep and eager, until their lungs burned. Until he could feel his lips starting to swell and could feel Erwins arousal growing under him. He didn’t pull entirely away, though. He pulled back enough to take a proper breath, then reached a hand into Erwin’s hair to pull his head to the side and dived down to latch onto the side of his neck. Hot, open mouthed kisses and firm bites. Licking and nibbling his way up the side of his neck, pausing to suck a deep purple mark over where his pulse beat the strongest.

It was Levi’s favorite part. Feeling Erwin’s pulse under his lips, feeling the proof that Erwin’s heart was soldiering on just like the man it belonged to always did. Feeling that steady beat under his lips, tasting it as he kissed and bit and licked his way over the skin. 

He could feel Erwin’s hand absently tugging at his shirt, trying to pull it free from where it was tucked into his pants, and he made a quiet noise in the back of his throat.

“You missed this.” Levi breathed out against his skin, once his lips finally made it over the curve of his jaw to just below his ear. “You missed me. I can fucking feel it.” 

Levi rolled his hips slowly, so if Erwin had missed his own growing arousal, before, he certainly wouldn’t now. Levi let out a little, breathy noise. Quiet and uneven and not quite a moan.

“So did I.” He continued, and he felt more than he heard Erwin’s sharp inhale. Levi bit at the lobe of his ear, tugged at his hair. “Fuck, Erwin, I’ve missed this. Missed you.” 

“You miss all of me.” Erwin replied after swallowing heavily. His voice was quiet, sounding broken and resigned and Levi tugged more harshly at his hair. He pulled back, forcing Erwin to look at him. He knew he looked enraged, because he  _ felt _ enraged but he didn’t really know who to actually aim that anger at.

“I  _ have _ all of you.” He demanded, voice perhaps a bit too harsh. “Your arm is gone, whatever. You’re  _ alive _ , Erwin. That’s what matters. You could have just as easily been bitten in half but you weren’t. You lost your arm which means the rest of you gets to still be here with me.” 

The longer he spoke, the softer Levi’s voice got. The more gentle his hold on Erwin’s face. He let out a little breath, shoulders slumping as he leaned his head down to kiss him again.

“I don’t give a fuck about your arm. I don’t give a fuck how your shoulder is all scarred. I don’t and you should already know that. I want you. I always want you. So long as you’re alive and breathing and right here with me, it doesn’t fucking matter what you look like.”

Levi fell silent after that, back to kissing Erwin slow and deep. Tilting his head to keep deepening it. One hand lovingly holding the side of Erwin’s neck, the other hand starting on working open the first button of Erwin’s shirt.

“Lay down.” Levi murmured into the kiss. When he pulled back, he kept Erwin’s bottom lip between his teeth as long as he could. “Get your shirt off and lay down properly. And keep your damn mouth shut.”

Levi - reluctantly - climbed off of  Erwin’s lap, and tried not to smirk when Erwin immediately went to work undoing his shirt. Levi stripped himself bare, not bothering to make a show of it. Placing the ODM harness on the bedside table, and carefully folding each garment as it came off so he could place them on the chair. 

When he was finished, standing naked in his Commander’s bedroom as he had done a thousand times before, Erwin already had his shirt hanging on the bedpost. Instead of lying down, however, he was sitting up. Having clearly been watching Levi, but more importantly with his hand wrapped over the stump where his arm used to be. Levi’s jaw clenched and he took a step closer.

“I told you to lay down.” He said, the same tone he used with his cadets. He watched Erwin’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed.

His hand squeezed the stump before he released it. He closed his eyes before he could see Levi’s reaction, and he laid down against the pillows.

Levi swallowed thickly, allowing himself a moment to examine Erwin’s bare chest. Where Levi’s muscle was lean and compact, Erwin’s was broad. Firm and toned in an almost soft way. Levi’s eyes trailed over him, over brown nipples and the fine, pale hairs speckled on his chest. More of that light hair in a trail down from under his naval. Examining each scar that marred his skin. Levi could name off each and every one. When and where and why. He’d been there for a fair number of them, and the rest, Erwin had told him the stories of. 

Erwin was beautiful.

Levi had to take a steadying breath to resist his initial instinct to just devour Erwin. Instead, he shifted closer and started on pulling his boots off. Careful and loving, placing them each on the floor by the foot of the bed. Neat and out of the way. Then he leaned over him, hands trailing over the hem of his pants, fingers just barely touching warm skin before he allowed himself to start undoing them. He hummed in what could be considered thanks when Erwin shifted and lifted his hips to allow Levi to pull his pants down and off. He folded those, like he had done his own, and placed them off to the side as well. 

Erwin watched him through all of his movements - eyes having fluttered open once Levi had started touching him - absently chewing at his bottom lip like he always did when he was overwhelmed by Levi. And Levi knew the look well, he had it aimed at him fairly often. Or he had used to, before Erwin got hurt. For a long time after, Levi had been comfortable in the assumption that their lack of physical intimacy was because the wounds were healing. After all, losing an entire arm didn’t heal overnight. 

But as weeks wore into months, Levi noticed a change. Erwin would pull back suddenly when they were together, would push like normal then would jerk back with wide eyes. Levi would let him go every time, trying not to be hurt and trying to be understanding and supportive. And then Erwin just...stopped trying altogether. Their kisses seldom and chaste, turning and walking away when Levi tried to get more. 

It hadn’t occurred to him what was happening until he’d barged in, one morning - which wasn’t an unusual practice for him, not when it was with Erwin. - and Erwin had rushed to pull his shirt over his shoulder. Had tilted himself away from Levi so that damaged stump wasn’t facing him. And a strange mix of rage and despair had curled so tightly in his gut that Levi had nearly thrown up. 

So Levi was going to prove to him he still wanted him. Was going to prove, without any shadow of a doubt, that he didn’t care that his arm was gone so long as he still had Erwin there with him. He moved down towards the end of the bed and he rested a hand on Erwin’s left leg, just under his knee, and dragged his hand down gently until he got to his ankle. That’s where he started, leaning down to kiss over the joint of his ankle, where it bulged out just slightly. His lips lingered over the skin, and as he moved his lips over the skin to the other side of his ankle, he let his tongue flick out over the scar there, an old burn from the flying embers when a titan had walked right through their camp fire. 

He moved up his leg like that, kissing every inch of skin and pausing at each and every scar. Mentally recounting each story, where he’d gotten the scars. Lingering on the worst marks, trailing his fingers over the marks he knew better than he knew his own body. And he kept going, kneeling on the bed as he got up over Erwin’s thighs. He bit lovingly at his hip bone, letting out a pleased little sigh when he heard Erwin’s breath hitch. It was the only noise Erwin had made, but he’d never been too loud when they were together, anyway. Levi typically made enough noise for the both of them. 

He gripped at Erwin’s hip as he started mouthing across the hem of his underwear. He paused, under his naval, to linger over a particularly nasty scar. Knocked into a tree in his efforts to save one of their comrades, and a small branch had stabbed into him. Levi remembered holding him up on his own horse as he rode back to their camp, remembered watching as Hange had pulled the branch free and worked to stitch the wound as quickly as they could as Levi let Erwin squeeze his hand until he nearly broke it. Levi kissed that scar like it was holy, and perhaps it was. Another bit of proof that Erwin had survived long enough to spend another night with him. 

The same way he had slowly kissed and licked and bit his way up Erwin’s left leg, Levi made his way down his right leg. When he got down to his ankle, he finally looked up. He could clearly see from the way Erwin’s cock was tenting his underwear that he was pleased, but Levi was far more focused on his face. Those pretty blue eyes locked onto him, staring through hooded lids. Cheeks lightly flushed, his bottom lip wet from him biting at it. Levi wanted to surge up to kiss him. Kiss him deep and long and make up for the time they’d been missing. 

But he had more important plans he needed to focus on. He lingered a moment, then leaned down so he could kiss his way back up Erwin’s leg. Erwin was usually patient when they were together. Usually was able to keep it together for a long, long while before he started getting needy or desperate. So even this - which Levi had spent a fair twenty or so minutes on, already. - would have been nothing to him, normally. Tonight was different, though. Because it had been months. It had been so long since they’d been together and Levi could feel the tension in Erwin’s body as he tried to keep still. Could see his hand tangling up in the sheets to keep from grabbing him. 

Levi paused in his journey long enough to suck a mark onto the soft skin of Erwin’s inner thigh, warmth pulsing through him at the soft little noise Erwin made. He liked leaving marks, here. He liked having something tangible to prove he and Erwin had been together, and he liked that it was in such an intimate spot. A private piece of information just for the two of them to know. Levi enjoyed the thought that perhaps Erwin would look at those marks later on, when they couldn’t be together. Would trail his fingers over those bruises and think about him. Levi certainly did, though there was something a little too sentimental about that for him to admit to it.

Once satisfied with the deep purple bruise he’d left, Levi continued back up. Over Erwin’s hip, where he nipped over another small, insignificant scar, then up the side of his stomach. He lingered over another scar, one on his side, almost the length of Levi’s hand. Levi knew that one had been his own fault, when he was new to the corps and still grieving his only two friends. Still missing them, still insisting he’d never fall in love like he had with Furlan, insisting he’d never think of anyone else as a little sister like he had with Isabel. His recklessness had caused the scar he was kissing, and he still felt a dull pang of guilt. 

Not for the first time, Levi wondered briefly what they’d think of Erwin. What might have happened if they’d had the chance to get to know him the way Levi got to. If Furlan would approve of him, if Isabel would look up to him. His movements faltered briefly, and he shifted until he was just resting his forehead against Erwin’s stomach. 

“Levi?” Erwin questioned softly, when Levi had apparently lingered there long enough to worry him. Levi silently lifted a hand up, and he pressed it over Erwin’s chest, over his heart. 

“I love you.” Levi breathed out, because he’d never said it enough to Furlan and Isabel. So he wouldn’t make that mistake again. It went quiet again, and after a moment, Levi felt strong fingers tangling in his hair. Rubbing at his scalp sweetly, petting through the strands in a gentle rhythm. 

“I love you, too.” Erwin answered. Simple and easy, something undeniably fond in his voice. Levi tilted up into the fingers in his hair for a moment, letting out a contented sigh. Then, he dropped back down to continue kissing and biting over the solid muscle of Erwin’s abdomen. 

Erwin’s hand lingered there as Levi continued. Levi allowed it, because he hadn’t told him not to touch or anything of the sort. And even if he had, he wasn’t sure he could hold Erwin to it. Not after so long of missing this, of not having it. Months of nothing but his own hand and that was never the same. His hands weren’t as big as Erwin’s, his touch wasn’t as gentle as Erwin’s no matter how hard he tried to replicate the feeling. 

Levi’s lips moved over familiar skin easily, leaving delicate little kisses mixed in with hot, open mouthed kisses. He lingered over one of Erwin’s nipples, teasing it with his teeth and he felt more than he heard the satisfied little groan Erwin let out. He stayed there, for a long few moments, one hand tracing up and down over the muscles in Erwin’s abdomen while he braced himself on the bed with his other forearm. After a bit, Levi started kissing across Erwin’s chest, over to the other nipple. He offered the same attention to that side, letting out his own happy little moan when Erwin’s fingers tightened in his hair.

Levi glanced up at Erwin, pleased to see those pretty blue eyes still watching him intently. Though, his pupils were blown so wide that the blue was only a thin sliver of color. Levi pushed up a little bit, hand sliding up over Erwin’s chest, up the side of his neck until Levi was cupping his jaw in a hand. Erwin’s eyelids fluttered gently, but he kept his eyes open as he tilted into Levi’s hand. 

Erwin kept gaping at Levi, eyes wide and honest. Always so, so honest with him. He stared at Levi reverently, as if this were a blessing he didn’t deserve. Ready and willing to bend to Levi’s will, handing himself over and giving up control. Levi had never taken for granted what that meant. Erwin’s trust had been gifted to him and Levi treasured that. Wanted to push and break Erwin down just to build him right back up and he sometimes didn’t quite believe that Erwin trusted him to do it. 

His fingertips trailed gently down over Erwin’s jaw until he was tracing his lips. Slow and gentle, as if afraid he would break him. His touch continued down, over his chin and as he dragged them further down, Erwin let his head fall back against the pillows to bare his throat to him. Levi’s immediate reaction was to surge up and press his lips over the sensitive skin. Kissing up and down along the column of his throat, nipping gently at his Adam’s apple as he passed over it. He lingered over Erwin’s pulse, again, savoring the feel of it beating steady under his lips before he let himself start licking across his collar bone. 

Levi shifted, laying almost entirely on top of Erwin as he approached his shoulder. He could feel Erwin tense under him, heard him suck in a sharp breath and not release it. Levi tried not to let his own jaw clench, and he continued on as if nothing had happened. He braced himself on the bed with his forearm once more, and went to work kissing sweetly over the stump where Erwin’s arm used to be. His kisses were much more gentle, this time. Soft and chaste, lingering each time he pressed against the rough, scarred skin. 

“Levi.” Erwin’s voice sounded broken when he gasped out his name, his hand tightening in Levi’s hair again. Levi didn’t respond, just kept kissing and nudging his nose gently at Erwin’s shoulder. 

Levi had spent a fair amount of time just kissing every inch of Erwin’s body he could get his mouth on, but he spent the most amount of time right there. Minutes piling on top of each other of him kissing over the scarred stump where Erwin’s arm should be. Going so far as to carefully, gently nip and bite. Tentative, unsure if that was alright but encouraged by the soft, breathy noises Erwin was barely making. Levi was tempted to spend much, much more time kissing at the scarred shoulder, very tempted. But he had one more arm and Erwin’s entire face, left, and he’d set out on a mission. 

So, almost begrudgingly - because who could actually be begrudging when they got to have their mouth on Erwin? - he started to trail his mouth over across his collarbone again. Lingering at the hollow at the base of his throat, biting the skin like he knew Erwin liked and Erwin tugged at his hair. He paused on the curve of his shoulder, trailing the tip of his nose down another rough scar. He hadn’t been there for this one, but Erwin had told him what had happened. His gear malfunctioning, him falling and landing on one of the hooks at the end of the wire cords. 

His path down Erwin’s arm lingered towards the inside of the limb, the more sensitive flesh. He left his kisses light and sweet, here. One of his hands sliding up over Erwin’s chest to cup his face again. As he went further down Erwin’s upper arm, Erwin had to let his arm drop down onto the bed, again, and Levi allowed himself a moment to mourn the loss of those firm fingers in his hair. The moment didn’t last long, and he easily continued on down his arm. He nipped at the crease of his elbow, licked down his forearm and pausing long enough to bite another scar. The hand sweetly holding Erwin’s face slipped down to his chest again the further down he got, when he was too far to actually reach Erwin’s face. 

Levi shifted, rearranging himself a bit. He sat up, vaguely aware of the way Erwin was still watching him with rapt attention. He took Erwin’s hand in his own hands, lifting it up. He looked up to lock eyes with Erwin as he pressed his lips over the first knuckle on his thumb. Then the second. He continued with each and every finger, eye contact never wavering. 

That is, until he finished kissing each knuckle, and his eyes flitted shut as he wrapped his lips around the tip of Erwin’s middle finger. Kitten licking at the pad before releasing him and gently placing his hand back down on the bed. Erwin let out a noise very much like a sob and his hand clenched up in the blanket under him.

“Levi, please.” He breathed out, his voice cracking and breaking halfway through. He sounded desperate, needy in a way Levi hadn’t heard in months and it sent a shockwave of desire down his spine. A tingle bursting out until it was static along his skin.

Levi threw his leg over Erwin, straddling his waist as he stared down at him. Hands resting on his chest, head tilting. He lifted his hand when Erwin opened his mouth to speak again, and he pressed his finger to Erwin’s bottom lip. When he was certain Erwin wasn’t going to speak, he brushed his finger over Erwin’s lips. Tracing them again, just as he’d done a hundred times before. He leaned down, kissing Erwin again. Soft and slow and deep, feeling it deep in his chest. 

Erwin’s hand curled around the back of his neck, and a noise that Levi would vehemently deny escaped him. They kissed like that, all tongue and teeth and desperation, for a long few moments. Erwin gasped for breath when Levi pulled away from the kiss, a moan vibrating deep in his chest. Levi hummed in response, kissing up along Erwin’s jaw. Down his cheek bone, across his nose. He continued on, peppering sweet little kisses all over Erwin’s face. 

“I want you.” Levi murmured against his temple, and he wasn’t sure if the desperation in his voice was because he wanted Erwin to believe it, or because he was just as achingly hard as Erwin was. Erwin was silent for a beat, and then-

“I believe you.”

Levi let out a rough groan, and he shoved himself off of Erwin so he could go settle between his legs. Nearly tearing Erwin’s underwear off, pulling it down and out of the way. He wrapped his hand around Erwin’s cock, shuddering as the satisfied noise Erwin let out. Where he’d taken his time with kissing every other part of Erwin’s body, he wasted no time here. He leaned down wrapping his lips around the head of Erwin’s cock and Erwin let out a strangled cry. His hand tangled up in Levi’s hair again, and Levi groaned around him. One hand stayed wrapped around the base of his cock, the other reaching to cradle his balls. He sank down along his length, hollowing his cheeks. Levi bobbed his head, swallowing around Erwin’s cock and he just moved more eagerly with every satisfied, needy moan Erwin let out. 

They went on like that for however long - neither one of them was really in the right state of mind to accurately try to guess how much time had passed - with Erwin’s moans getting more desperate and Levi’s movements getting more eager. When Erwin came, Levi moaned low and deep around him as he listened to Erwin call out his name. 

He pulled off of Erwin’s cock, swallowing down his release. His eyelids fluttering, eyes nearly rolling back in his head. He’d missed this, so much. When he was able to collect himself and open his eyes again, Erwin had a sated little smile on his face as he watched him. Levi just raised a brow. 

“I’m not finished with you yet.”


End file.
